Never Let Me Go - the journey for hope

Oh my God.
This one is a big surprise.

As far as I remember, it has never been publicized too much locally (despite having starred Keira Knightley and Andrew Garfield!). As recommended by a nice MO during an overnight call, I traced my to-watch list - and I did put it down few months back!

Without hesitation I picked it up as my weekend choice - and BAM - it blew my away instantly.


The story is and straight, it goes with 3 ordinary childhood friends Kathy, Ruth and Tommy - no different from regular kids - except that they are duplicants. Their lives serve the sole role for preparing organs donation for their originals, and ended at the day their bodies weaken and crash.

When love, emotions, hope and feelings remain; sentimentally the story depicted how the three buddies grew, struggled and proceeded with their hope-deprived and purposed lives...



---- [SPOILER warning: don't read further if you are going to watch!] ----



The group of younger actor and actresses were simply amazing. This is particularly true for the character of Kathy, whom I percieved as the most difficult one to be handled. In the film they tried to synthesize for her a seemingly-passive outlook, covered underneath an overwhelmingly strong personality. Izzy Meikle played it in such sophisticated manner, that in the scene where she was listening to the cassette Tommy gave her, without uttering a word, I could almost feel the long-suppressed love leaking out.

The switch from the young to the grown-up is as well super natural. This degree of continuity is rarely seen on screen. Most of the time films tended to make the younger part brief and simple, ,narrated the growth through snapshots, and proceeded the story in their grown-up.

Never let me go went a different way; it placed extra time for young characters to develop and mature, making the three images and their bonding sharp and clear before they enters teenage. This move is risky, but with good castings, it stunned me well.



I love the casts, the music, the cinematography...and the most lovable area is perhaps the set of atmosphere.

What the movie truly catches me is how it depicts the complex emotions of the duplicated donors. When life was created for bringing hope to another you but not for oneself, when you fell in a love that owns no future, when you feel your soul is being torn apart bit by bit - this is when you start using the cold, emotionless word "completion" instead of "death", to conclude the end of it.

It as well moved me a lot when hearing Tommy firmly reassures:
"We are in love, it's true love, it's verifiable."

When our basic instincts and desires started needing verification, where else do we find the drive for moving on?



Seeing Tommy and Kathy sat on sofa holding hands, with drawings all over the table, hoping for a deferment which never existed - and there they heard the most unsettling reality:

"We didn't have to look into your souls, we had to see if you had souls at all."



Oh it's sooooo gut-wrenching. =[

The Help - Story of Justice

I was first recommended this film by a good friend and teacher of mine in Oncology. Sadly missed several chances in theatre, I was now finally able to capture it again when the DVD is out. And indeed, what a powerful piece of drama!

Don't be misled by the trailer, The help isn't about how a white saved the colored. It's story of bravery and courage - on how the discrimated spoke for themselve.

The Help, with almost all-female casts, is deeply sensational on the issue of social injustice in the 1960s US, where the colored worked as maids - and treated as slaves. I was so moved by the sincere play of Aibileen and Minny, who both served in white families, in the era when racial inequality is the norm, and when the blacks were being looked down in all the possible ways people could think of.



In fact, the aching part is perhaps not when seeing the colored being discrimiated, but on how some of them did not even realise the problem. Indeed, when one was born injustice - they continue and live injustice; without recognising the wrong part, let's not talk about voicing out and fighting for ones' own human rights. Sad and pathetic.

It's right that the theme is burdened and heavy, but I truly appreciate how the movie tried to depict the hardship in a pretty casual yet impactful way. Throughout the lines we shed tears on their broken hearts and souls; while at the same time, we smiled and laughed on how Aibileen, Minny and the others maids adapted and lived (and in particular, how Minny revenge with the pie, haha). What the film comes to me is a natural tale-telling story, which successfully engaged an Asian outsider like me to experience and share their lives - both the bright and dark side included.

Well, the story was realistic that it did not conclude with an entirely happy ending (afterall the book of course did not strive much an impact), yet how glad I am seeing one's soul being freed, and deeply touched on the courage within.



After The Help, re-reading Mr Martin Lutherking's speech, for the first time, I felt the heat and passion in it:

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together."

Gut feeling

Its our anniversary again, time for picking up something for my love one.

In the past I tended not to go for the styles and fashion thing - you know girls, sometimes, went really unpredictable and intuitive on their tastes of fashion. I've tried few times when shopping with Landico, to make some boy-guessing on her pick on clothes, bags, boots, accessories; unfortunately the hits rate went low - really low.

This year I decided to make it a challenge.

Going into boutiques I turned pretty freaked out. How am I suppose to pick the best among all the dazzling girly stuff? Wandering within the strips, checkerbox, spots and plain patterns, my head started to swell. My mind rewinded back to every snapshot of her, back in my memory I saw all kinds of fashion style and seems there is no perfect formula for the pick.

Damn, I told myself.

At this very moment of confusion and frustration, the worse came, three salesladies started to spin around me, offering various advice and suggestions.

"What is your girl's skin tone?"
"Is she tall or small?"
"What's her favourite color?"
"This bag looks good and young, its our top sales!"
"How old is she, for girlfriend or for your wife (what?!)"

Alright I gave up, when I was about to step out the shop with white flags flying above me - the branch manager (I suppose) approached.

The middle-aged lady smiled at me, and said to me gently: "Having a headache picking for girl?"

I nodded.

She followed: "Just now, which is the first product you picked up on your hand?"

I peeped on the scarf aside.

"Trust your gut feeling, that is the one."




==========================


Finally, I walked out with the scarf on hand.
Love, sometimes, is intuitive.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

Real steel x Transformer 3

Reel steel is indeed a wonderful masterpiece, much much outplayed the so called robot-classic Transformer series.

The chemistry between Hugh Jackman and Dakota Goyo is simply phenomenal. Though that the perfect musculine outlook of Jackman still possess a faint shadow of wolferine, he did play the pure yet complex father-and-son bonding so well, that for every robot battle they played - there is so much warmth in it, apart from the metallic crushes. Still, I believe that its Goyo's sincere, pure, cute, energetic play which seasoned the movie, pushing every fight to the very climax that made me palpitated so badly in the theatre!

The first time I saw Goyo on screen is perhaps the short snapshot in Thor, where he took the small role of the younger God - nothing special nothing stunning. But I guess every audience of Reel Steel would agree, Goyo 's play perhaps served the key of success throughout the entire film. Indeed, as some of us did in the theatre, I almost cheered out seeing him do the marching-robotdance right before the fight with the dazziling-red robot TwinCities. And for every punch Atom the underdog laid on Zeus the juggernaut, I just can't help shouting: BRAVO!



If we were to compare, I reckon the long-awaited Transformer 3 much inferior, at least in terms of its storyline.

For no doubt the CG and visual effects in Transformers went in so much details, the entire story was marching on a paper-thin plot. I don't see the tension between characters - not only the bond between Sam and Bee - but the romance between Sam and Carly also appeared weak and awkward (and where is my sexy Megan Fox!!). For all these I felt like watching piles of metals and flesh in fast-forward motion over an entire 150min, with serious lack of character among.

As far as the fights are concerned, they also appeared not as entertaining as that in Reel Steel. With the chaotic scene-setting and constantly-moving shooting angles, often was I distracted from the hit and kicks. That's a pity.

Anyhow, being back home, I can't help replaying each and every fight scenes of Atom's- trust me, with the pair of resilient bonded father and son directing backstage, under well-synthesized original soundtracks, each punch makes it tongue-bitingly exciting!

Oncology

Millions thoughts raced through my mind but the packed overnight calls left me with no room for sleeping, let alone blogging! Roar!

Here are some bits and pieces:

1) Perhaps being an oncologist, the first thing one should equip with is to know where to stop. Be decisive on cure, be realistic on palliation.

2) Sometimes, words of genuine care are way more comforting then offering the 3rd 4th or 5th lines of chemotherapy.

3) Never overlook suffering and pain.

4) Presentation-phobia. But the excitement after facing the fear is priceless.

5) Tough feeling: how come cancers are still that invincible regardless all those medical advances we had in this era?

6) Joy came from being treated a dinner with a nice hemato-oncologist. Inspiring chat we had.

7) Lumbar puncture, bone marrow, chest drain, pleural tap, abdominal tap, pleurodesis - all in a single week! yohoo!

Are we overdoing it? (2)

Its obvious and true that we are overinvestigating and overtreating our patients. But knowing the very fact does not change our current mode of practice, why is that?

As usual I had my overnight duty last Sunday. It had been a very miserable night and I could bearly take a breath until 3am. While still busy preparing patients for cardiac cath the other day, I received a call from nurse informing me of a old gentleman complaining of chest pain.

Attending the patient, after only a few lines of chat I know almost for sure it is not cardiac type of pain -he clearly illustrated to me the classic symptoms of gastric reflux after lying flat on bed. Then of course I gave him a tab of antacid and went back to document it on case notes.

But then the struggle came. A loud voice emerged within my brain (which was in sleep mode): could this be an atypical presentation of heart disease? I am pretty sure it isnt. Then the next bombarded: Could I bare the consequence if it's really a case of heart attack?

I hesitated.

Argued with myself for another minute, I surrendered. Walking with my heavy eyelids I carried with me the ECG machine and find the gentlemen again, added for him a few blood tests. Of course, as predicted, not a single clue of heart disease can be seen. Feeling stupid yet much relieved - I then carried on with my work.

Reading through the NEJM article as recommended by my teacher, it echoed a whole lot with the current situation we are facing here in Hong Kong. Medicine is now not only evidence-based as we proudly claimed, but also highly defensive and protective - not to patient but to ourselves. Many a time we order tests to fulfil our uncertainties, regardless of the pre-test probabilities or indications.

As in the old gentleman in the night, fear has overrided my clinical judgement. I would not say I was hundred percent sure to exclude heart attack, but as there exists such a tiny possibility (as it would always do) and that I could not afford to miss - it rationalised my decision.

To complicate, patient's wish also urged us to switch towards this very mode of practice. We are now in the age of consumerism, doctors no longer hold the authoritative power in patient care. Not uncommonly we encounter patients who demand extra and sometimes redundant investigations - having paid the bills, they insist they own the rights to request the best (percievingly) for their health. This phenomenon is particularly pathological among Hong Kongers, who consider personal benefits the utmost important asset to protect.

Lets not talk about the financial implication, and put aside the potential health hazards posed if we continue patient care of this kind.

What truly bothers me is the gradual loss of the art of clinical medicine. When our decisions are not guided by clinical deduction but fear, when we act not to protect our patient but overselves - what roles do we doctor serve?

Are we overdoing it? (1)

Let me share a recent story.

Well, he is a businessman in his fifties. Living with his family he enjoys quite a good past health. Only that he found himself a lingering headache for a week, together with on and off cough and occasional sneezes. Coming to the emergency department, he met a busy doctor, diagnosing him with chest infection, X-ray taken with some bloods drawn, he was then sent to our unit.

Few minutes after entering ward, nurses found him with fever. With the headache going, he was pushed down urgently at night again to AED for urgent CT brain.

Enjoyed the radiation shower, he was then transferred again back to the ward, started on intravenous antibiotics. Sputum and urine saved for bugs screening, blood taken again for further culture and investigations.

Results back, his liver function is slightly derranged. An urgent ultrasound abdomen was done the other morning, to look for possible liver abscess. Turn out - only fatty liver.

Finally his nasopharyngeal aspirate results are back - yielded Influenza A.

Then he stayed in-hospital for 5 more days, to complete his antibiotics, together with an antiviral, and finally discharged.

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He is just a regular everyday normal guy.
A middle age gentleman with fatty liver and common flu.

What have we offered him?
- Blood tests >30 items
- Needle sticks >10 times
- Chest radiograph x 3
- Nasopharyngeal aspiration x 1
- CT Brain x 1 (with radiation ~200 chest X-ray)
- Intravenous antibiotic x 1
- Antiviral x 1
- Hospitialization x 5 days
- Uncertainty, fear, worry

What did he actually need?
- A good rest
- Reassurance
- Good education for diet and exercising
- Sickleave x 2 days

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Horseshoe Crab

Well, Horseshoe crab (Chinese:鱟) is indeed a phenomenal creature.



While reading the latest National Geographic mazagine this month, this ancient and evolution-proof creature is written about again. By ancient, I am refering to 450 millions back then, even long before dinosauers came ruling the earth. How could we not be interested by this very organism, which has happened to survice through all the major extinction events, and presenting themselves in the form almost unchanged all these years?

But what amazes is not its age, not its alienoid appearance, not its close relationship with spider and scorpion (ITS NOT A CRAB!), but its blood.

I remember once in Cheung Chau, passing by a seafood restaurant, I encountered a chef preparing a horseshoe crab dish (probably a soup). Flashing back the memory, I didn't see any blood as he chopped the shell into half, at that time I thought: nah its like crab - bloodless.

Now with the magazine in hand, I was shocked. For God's sake, not only does it has blood running inside, it is blue in color!



The peculiar blood color is due to their copper-rich content, instead of hemoglobin in human, they had with them hemocyanin that carry oxygen for them. The blue blood not only charms with its color, but its medical value as well. Amazingly, in these bottles of blue fluid, there runs a type of cell known as amebocytes (literally means: a cell that can changes its shape), which have a special power - they react with the tiniest amount of bacteria in the surrounding and clot the blood. In vivo, these cells act as a defense mechanism for crabs, so that when there is a small leak of seawater into its blood, the breakpoint will seal immediately, stopping bacteria entering its body. Indeed, perhaps it is this unique immune power that makes this creature a living fossil.

And scientists use this very property as a bacterial screen for sterile materials, and help us detect the trival number of bugs, which is exceedingly important for immunodeficient patient. On further readup on the web, once the blue blood was also brought up to the space, to check for possible live-forms outside the earth!

Sadly though, due to recent enviromental over-exploitation, this seemingly-everlasting organisms are reducing in number drastically in recent years. Surviving previous extincting events didn't make it through this one - the human damage. Perhaps, someday later, our grandsons and daughter can only see this lovely creature on fossils, where the sky-blue blood can never and no longer be appreciated.

Its sad, but true.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Aha, the 10-year combat with the Darklord finally comes to an end!

In actual fact, I ain't particularly urged to watch this one, but afterall the Harry Potter series grew as I grew, it feels like a more or less routine activity. With a lucky off-work Sunday, lets go finish Voldemort with the ultimate strike!

As with the last one, two hours was simply too short for a complete smooth-flowing story to be told. When we cannot ask too much for completeness of plot, shifting our focus on the visual and sound effects should put us at ease. In this very last episode indeed involves much more wand-battles, sseing the bright lights shooting around, in the background of the giants approaching Horwart Castle, it appeared to me a fusion of Starwar and Lord of the Rings. But afterall, somehow the picture synchronised quite well with my imagination while reading the novel - equally tense and catchy.

The part touches both Landico and I is the scene when Snape finally told the hidden story. I guess you should agree with me Alan Rickman has been playing Snape so well in the older productions, that we all want to give him a punch right on his face when he killed Dumbodore. But when the turth revealed itself, everything putting together yielded a loving intention, the halfblood prince finally became the greatest hero among all characters. And that's probably why as he tears, the lovely girl besides me sobbed as well.

When I stepped out the theatre, a strong sense of emptiness emerges - afterall Harry, Ron and Hermione grew with me since my junior high. But perhaps, when time allows, I shall pick up the set of novels on my shelf, and starts the journey all over again!

Houseman

The first week of houseman ship passed, starting in oncology ward is simply wonderful.

Some may reckon oncology as a team full of tears and sadness, yes I agree most of the in-patient care centres on palliative (aim not for cure) work, but still most of the patients here are still striving to live, coping quite well with their cancer cells - firm and strong.

For all these years, I was once stereotyped that a doctor's job was to CURE. But soon I finally realise, in fact, most of the time cure is never an option (even for simple disease like hypertension and diabetes, let alone cancer). On the other hand, when a patient's heart can be HEALED despite dying with an incurable disease.

Seriously speaking being an intern I am more a clerk than a doctor engaging in in-depth patient management. Most of my time was spent in clerical work, sitting in front of the comp, collect the printout, setting drips, taking blood, and walking here and there to book radiological investigations.

Still so, the edge of an houseman is that I am the man-in-the-house. Busy am I, but I spent most of my time in a single ward, it gave us plenty opportunities to talk and chitchat with my patients. Soon after a week, when I got to know more about them, doctor-patient relationship gradually turns less authoratative. We start to chat on hospital's food, our hobbies and even girlfriends. Its a pretty amazing experience - something the doctor-patient communication skill modules can never materialize. Haha.

Strive on, houseman!

Does God cure (4)

When it comes to accessing the effacacy of prayer, it amazes me how serious people can take this as an issue.


Searching on the web, it's not difficult to see scholars (mostly in the west) try and perform well-structured studies and trials to examine the "prayer effect". To us, as taught in Bible, praying is not merely asking for interventions, we praise, we confess we communicate.

Even among intervention, it would be hard for us to even falsify the very statement "God intevenes." But afterall, the easiest part of it to be quantitatively and objectively accessed by scientific methods, will be praying for cure.

As my friend Andrew has pointed out in my last post, we need to seperate the morale-uplifting (or placebo) effect in prayer from the result of divine intervention. With this, scientists underwent randomised-controlled-trials. Putting a number of patients randomly into 2 groups, one with interaccessory prayer (prayed by someone with the individual not knowing). The process of randomisation and blinding will thus, theoretically, eliminate the placebo effect and the problem of background differences.

Starting from the 80s, numerous studies were performed. The results were deemed highly variable, some claim benefits, some concluded harm, while most of them remained statistically insignificant.

Here comes the follow-up questions.
1) With God (a freewill-possessing being) involved, are prayers assessable by RCTs, and are the results repeatable?
2) Does effacacy of prayer have a dose-response relatationship - ie. will the effacacy improves as we pray more, either by frequency or number of prayers?
3) Let's say we proved God's action on cardiac diseases, do we have the confidence that we arrived a positive finding in all other diseases - if not, why on earth an almighty God has such a particular taste on healing?
4) If we compare prayers effacacy to antibiotics on patients with infections, is it justifiable to conclude in this way: Penicillin is superior/inferior to prayer as therapeutic means, doesn't it sound weird?

Does God cure (3)

Sincerely I appreciate the reply from Breakthrough, I can see wholeheartedness and encouraging thoughts in it.

Let me prime a little bit more on this very question I brought about.

It was few months back, when I was still a busy medical student burying myself in piles of books preparing for exams.

While in one night, when I saw a HUGE acne grew right on my forehead, a thought raced through my mind: Why dont I pray for its healing? Even though I don't believe it will disappear out of nowhere, why not praying for an at least accelerated healing?

Then the question came. Can we or have we ever try accessing the effacacy of prayer?

Since the start of the year I ran the habit of reading weekly medical journals - just to update myself on the current state of the art management going through the field. Half of the contents are usually Randomised Controlled Trials. The prinicles of these trials are pretty much like the Controlled experiments we did in high school science, the difference being we try to recruit a certain number of individuals, and to eliminate their background differences - we randomise them into treatment group & control group. This virtually makes drugs (or prayer) being the only examinable component.

Of course I don't have the ability to run a large trial. I attempted to run a small Case-series on myself.

From Janurary onwards for 5 months, there were in total 8 ances grew on my face. Alternately I pray for them (sincerely), and jotted down their duration to heal. Here comes the result.

Days to heal for Prayed ances: 4,6,6,8, mean=6d
Days to heal for Unprayed acne : 5,6,5,5, mean=5.25d

This is a pretty retarded experiment - sample size is small (ances are uncommon entities to me, and I dare not to talk my roommate into the trial, he will definitely send me to psychiatry ward immediately, haha), and there is no definite objective measurable endpoints. Anyway, let's put these aside, at least from the results, I don't see drastic improvement.

This elementary work kicked off my passion on this very topic, and I shall come to it later.

Does God cure (2)

Here comes the reply.

==============================


親愛的James：

多謝你也來信問及禱告和醫治。事實上，近年來有不少人在佈道會中分享他們禱告醫治的經歷。可是，我們如何得知，上帝聽到我們的禱告，便醫治我們呢？是不是我們禱告，祂就必定會醫治我們呢？那些終身傷健人士就怎麼辦？這都是值得思考的問題，也謝謝你提出來一起討論。我欣賞你對禱告的認真態度，不願意盲目地禱告，而我更欣賞你願意跟上帝建立一份緊密的關係。我相信，祂是知道你這份心意的，而且祂也會覺得很高興。

請讓我先分享聖經對禱告醫治事蹟的一些記載。雖然上帝可能會透過不同的方法去醫治我們的傷患，但正如聖經記載，祂亦可能要求我們勇敢地面對疾病和死亡。例如祂回應猶大王希西家的禱告，治好他的重病和加增他十五年的壽數（列王記下二十章1~11）。然而，祂卻對沒有醫治使徒保羅身上的「刺」（儘管為此事，保羅曾經三次祈求過上主，見哥林多後書十二章1~10），只對保羅說；「我的恩典夠你用，因為我的能力是在人的軟弱上顯得完全。」（林後十二章9）

同是向同一位深愛著我們的上帝祈禱，希西家和保羅卻有不同的經歷，我想原因在於上帝給予他們的是不同的人生計劃。由於上帝不一定會在我們禱告以後就醫治我們，而兩個表面上相似的人，背後的人生前設也不盡相同，很難判斷兩個「被實驗」的人相關的條件是不是相同，所以我們很難單靠對照實驗（controlled experiment）和分析實驗數據，看看上帝有沒有回應我們的禱告和醫治我們，來推敲祂是否真實。

另一方面，上帝是如何醫治我們的病患呢？普遍人認為，當上帝醫治我們的疾病的時候，「神蹟奇事」必然會發生。普遍人更認為，基督徒見證的「神蹟奇事」必然違反自然定律之事，因而並不可能發生。事實上，早於十八世紀中，英國哲學家休謨（David, Hume，1711-1776）已經提出「自然定律」（natural laws）這觀點。這觀點亦得到部份邏輯實証主義（logical positivism）學者的認同。

可是，從聖經對神蹟的描述來看，神蹟並不一定是什麼「違反自然定律之事」。當然，有時上帝會容讓一些十分奇妙和難以解釋的事情發生，甚至是超過我們所理解的「自然定律」，使人無法否認這是上帝奇妙的作為（例如耶穌叫死人復活），而這亦是奧古斯丁（Augustine）的理解；但祂亦可以透過人類社會的醫療科技，叫我們的病患得痊癒。因為上帝是萬有的主，能夠透過一切的方法，成就祂的旨意。而有時，疾病只是整件事的佈景，上帝更關心的往往是人患病以後，對上帝的看法有沒有改變？對身邊的人事物、對世界的看法有沒有改變？是否更貼近生命的主的心腸？

當然，基督信仰的核心並不單單在於疾病得醫治。因耶穌基督的死和復活，凡相信祂的人都會在將要來的新天新地裡得到永遠的醫治，即是一種針對罪和死亡的醫治。說到這裡，這讓我想起耶穌基督在客西馬尼園的禱告：「然而，不要照我的意思，只要照祢的意思。」（太二十六章39）為了我們的過犯，耶穌基督獻上愛和順服至死的禱告，清楚展示出禱告並不在於實現我們的意願；相反，藉著禱告，我們學習倚靠和跟從上帝，實踐祂的旨意。盼望你能在理智和情感的交織中，藉著禱告，更明暸上帝的心意，跟祂建立一份緊密而深厚的關係。


Q師傅 上


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Does God cure?

Well I guess most of you have heard of Breakthrough - the Christian NGO which devotes itself for teenage work. I am quite a personal fan of theirs, and some months ago I posted a theological question on their website, I didn't hope for a reply, but then, though late, here it was posted on their wall.

This is what I asked, I shall post their reply in the next post.

And you can see the original post here:
http://www.uzone21.com/umentor/display.ctrl?letterBoxId=6325

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Nowadays, we Christians quite often pray for something and wish God to make it true. In particular I want to focus on the point - "pray for cure".

Not uncommonly we heard stories of Christians claiming that God has cured his/her diseases and now become healthy again. Yes indeed the disease was cured, but can we attribute the cure to God's action?

I have two disturbing questions.

1) In fact, we can perform Randomised Control Trials (this is how effacacy of new drugs are tested) to examine God's action on disease. One patient group with nothing + Another group with others praying for them (which they don't know), then we observe for any change in disease outcome, quite scientifically. I can postulate that the results would be similar in two groups. If so, what can we say?

2) Seems the testimonies at church always focus on 內科 diseases (like cancer, pneumonia), does anyone dare to pray for a person with amputation? I can bet on my life that the amputated leg will never grow again no matter how hard we pray. Some try to explain by that God would act against the natural laws he set, but reversing a growing cancer is so much beyond natural laws too - just that we can't see it. How can we explain our faith in believing God will cure cancer, but at the the same time seeing a never-healed-amputee?

* I hate it when christians answer by saying "we cannot examine God". Yes I agree, but if God is actually doing something, by no way He could escape (and I believe He doesn't need to) from the experimental trials, because we are just showing the reality from statistics.

Thank you very much for your reply, I do not aim to challenge, but I really wish I can pray without blind faith, and get a closer relationship to God, both rationally and mentally.

Regards,
James


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(To be continued)

暗戰 - The criminal wisdom

Oh yes I am back!

I must say that the final MB was like a marathon - you keep running running and running and seemed the race would never end. Finally we made it - and luckily unlike the poor Pheidippides I survived! Why dont we start again by sharing an old classy local film in 1999, 「暗戰」 by 杜琪峰.



Indeed, somehow I missed this wonderful piece throughout all these years, only when my old friends and I enjoyed the its extension 「暗戰II」 while camping in Cheung Chau, I started to realise.

Watching the 1999 production, I had a strong sense of deja vu, and yes it felt like going back to the night in Mongkok, where 林雪 missed his gun - you may know what I mean - another 杜琪峰's masterpiece by P.T.U. The groove of plot was running so smooth that I don't even feel the hours until it ended.

The scent of black humour and the phenomenal use of dissociative background music was so To-ish. I love the characteristic beauty in filming, as well as the criminal wisdom demonstrated. I would say it is pretty much like the Asian version of the Ocean's series, with 劉青雲 & 劉德華 replacing Brat Pitt & George Clooney.

Well, I am somehow inclined to movies of this kind, as my friend Jerry has once said to me:
"James, if you were not a doctor-to-be, you must turn out to be a mischievous brainy criminal."

Haha, I can't agree more!

Final!

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*Dear all

I apologize for the infrequent updates, I am about to have my final exam (finally) very soon, and I shall really focus on my studies in the subsequent weeks, and I promise after this short pause I shall re-vitalise this blog and continue till my days as a doctor! Back in few weeks time!

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The Watchman, World and Bigbang (1)

Phew finally got a half-day off after the stuporizing anaesthesia module, I must say my mind has changed towards this seemingly-boring specialty, it wasnt that bad as such, and the beauty of human physiology was enlightening, still I prefer seeing awake patients than putting them asleep every day.

Probably stimulated by the two-week intensive basic biophysic course, I (unbelievably) spent my day standing in The Commercial Press, reading a short book on - you might not believe either - the Big Bang theory.

And yes, as a science student filled with blood and flesh in the past 5 years, I had a hard time in it.

What arouses my interest in this well-discussed topic was my recent work on the doctrine of creation. Let me elaborate.

For centuries philosophers and scientists are troubled, if not put off, by the problem of how this world started - or was there ever a beginning at all. Walking along the track of Theism, there was an old arguement named - The Watchmaker analogy - as a teleological arguement for God's presence:

"When you see a watch, seeing its complex design, you immediately linked its origin to a designer. And as with the orderly complicated world we are living it - it necessitate an intellegent creator."

Many forms of similar analogies are used by Christians like me in sharing the gospel.
"You see a blue bright sky, you know it does not exist by itself by with a creator."
"Look! How beautiful the nature is! How can you not believe there is a God above us?"

But on a second thought, there is a huge trick behind.
One can easily ask:
"Well, alright. Your God has to be more complex and intelligent than us to have created us, then you tell me with your proof, shouldn't there be another SUPER-GOD who is even-more intelligient to have created your intelligient God beforehand?"

And that's exactly the reason why I stopped using the quotes above when sharing Christianity with non-Christians; to me they are true praises voiced out from heart, but it isn't appropriate to use it as a proof outside the paradigm of Theism. But then, I can't help ask myself - ummm if I were to believe there is a more complex being to be everlasting who has created us, why don't I simply bring in a little less faith and believe the world we are living in is everlasting?


(To be continued...)

Billionaires

I am amused by the recent newspaper headlines.

I won't deny, going through personal life of billionaires is entirely entertaining; from the stunning Fengshui probate to the soap opera from Royal family of Republic of Gamble, moving on to oversea triplets from donated ovum, and now, the breakup of the century. Sometimes reading through the papers is like flipping over a novel (or fiction if you wish), on a second thought - all these have definitely zero impact on our lives, why go headlines?

Oh, of course it is $$.
But then, why we all like gossiping their lives?

The speculated psychology goes like this.

Deep down in the heart of we Hong Konger are all jealous, if not envious, of the power, status and cash of all those billionaires. So, as Freud pointed out, our inner inclination transposed into seeing the miserable part of theirs. Indeed I have never read a headline reading "XXX happily got married." or "XXX generously donated for charity". Turning personal matters into public topic, arouse our interest, and as the discussion goes on and on, we are all glad to sit with popcorns in hand.

As a well-said phrase goes: Nowsdays, 娛樂新聞化，新聞娛樂化。

Yes I won't deny, I quite enjoy reading them - but well I know - it is pathological.


P.S.
Billionaire - Travis McCoy featuring Bruno Mars.

127 Hours - the triumphing

Ok, this year my Valentine's Day was sweet and lovely. Nothing's better than spending a whole day with the love in your life, having a nice European Sunday Brunch together, and then took a walk along streets on Tsim Sha Tsui, held hands under the big screen in the new The One shopping mall, and finish with bowls of yummy Japanese noodles.

Last year our pick was The Valentines - a film full of love and warmth.

Surprisingly, in this day of love, Landico went for the emotionally-demanding 127 Hours, by the director of Slumdog Billionaire. Initially I questioned myself whether I should really book the seats in this special day. But on the aftermath, well, it is not a bad idea to break the conventional theme of Valentine's day, and experience the tense will of living with her, through a simple yet overwhelming powerful movie of the year.

---- [SPOILER warning: don't read further if you are going to watch!] ----

In fact, long before the filming work started, I have came across the shocking story of Aron Ralston, the all-alone hiker who've been trapped by a huge falling rock, pinning his forearm sealed with the sidewall, who spent a whole 5 days trying desparately to excape - but failed - and at the end, the strong will for life made him amputating his own arm, all by a short knife with 2.5cm blade, and now continuing his life as a sport trainer, a famous sport trainer.

I was so much curious about the story part - we all know its gonna be a one-man show with known ending, so I anticipated borebom as we entered. But I turned out to be so wrong.

Aron got stuck within 10 minutes from the start, and maybe I am being too empathetic, I almost put myself in the same desparacy he was facing - seeing the bottle of water running out bit by bit, eyes and lips went scaly and dry, mind went delirious and hopeless - but there were someone in life that keep the strong will to live. The strong emotion built up step by step, and I can't help ask myself: do I have the gut to make it?

Prompted by all the powerful emotions, the amputating scene came. Of course Landico was holding her hands on eyes (as almost half the audience did); over-estimating my medical experience, I kept them open and watched...

It is hard to explain. Watching the flesh, tendons and blood being chipped inch by inch, I almost FELT the same pain going-on on my forearm. This experience is so much different (I dont even want to make this comparison) with the bloody meaningless but horrifying scenes in Saw, I never fear about blood, but when having put myself into the character, the pain is excruciating. On one hand I wish so badly to escape, but on the other hand I got to finish vividly the stabs and cuts, I would indeed go mad if it was me.

James Franco played it so real that I started to sweat and got lightheaded when he puckled the last nerve he encounter. With the intense sound effect, right after he finished the job, I (for true) went blackout for a second or so - in the sitting position, yes, a genuine vasovagal attack.

The point is, the film in fact placed only a short focus on the very scene I just described. What makes the final shot such heart-pumping is the great job done on staging the inner emotion in the first hour. In fact, since the Cast Away played by Tom Hanks in 2000, 172 Hours is the second one-man film that I found strikingly well-played.

Stepping out the threatre, I hold her hands tight. Feeling the warmth from her palm, I feel grateful for what I have.

P.S. Here is the real Aron Rouston interview done years ago, it is amazing to hear his first person story, on what had happened in the 5 days within the slit of stones - all combatting alone. Watching it I realised, the film hasn't exaggerate anything, if not undertelling the story.

讓子彈飛

Received a call from dad during my weekdays at hostel, recommending the recent blockbuster 讓子彈飛.

I had longed for the opportunity to sneak in theatre, yet the recent preparation for the OSLER exam by a professor-of-my-professors has almost driven me mad (as you may have noticed from the infrequent update of this blog, my apology), finally when a breath came - watching it (illegally) on the Internet at 1am, with a set of congee and fried noodles, umm lovely.

Everyone has been talking about all the hidden (not necessarily meant-to-be) messages within the funky lines by the three amazing Chinese actors, and having been prompted by multiple articles in the papers, indeed I found the film much enjoyable.

For sure as a student in science stream I am so much retarded and deficient in the knowledge of our current social development in our mother nation, and thus underinterpreting the ironic part of the story. But merely taking the film as a recreational consumption, it worths the ticket (my deep apology for the online-movieing). The twisty plot is seemingly-absurd, but this is the nonsense and craziness that catches me a whole lot.

If conversations in Social Network were well-written, then here in 讓子彈飛 it pushes even further. Almost every another lines come a quotable classic, coming from mouths of the oldschool actors 姜文,葛優,周潤發. And indeed, for those who by chance walked pass my room last night, you may hear my laughter when 黃四郎 said to his pathetic follower:

"如果你如果你活着，早晚都會死；如果你死了，你就永遠活着。”

Haha, I call this Pseudo-wisdom.

The Kubler Ross Model

Nothing is better than learning through real life experience.

Kaman and I had a nice Sunday lunch. As we sqeezed in the crowded lift as we got up the other floor for food, a young beauty slipped in last. I must say that, the lift was indeed as packed as canned sadin - we could hardly breathe - and yes, the door didn't close.

After few seconds, an ordinarily-impatient voice shouted from the inner cube: "Hey it's overweighted."

Then ten pairs of eyes (including us) looked at the just-entered slim girl - who was in a state of disbelief, with her eyes blinking, trying to squeeze in further.

Another second passed, door remained wide open. She then pointed to Kaman (who was also quite close to the door), stated, "Hey your bag is too close to the door, step back." As always an obedient student, my friend did so, still nothing happened.

Another impatient voice came, "Madam, the red OVERWEIGHT light is on!"

Everyone else looked at the light, and back to the beauty. She hesitated, but still bargaining for spaces, trying to make herself lighter by tip-toeing back and forth. And of course Newton's physics didn't fail for her, and the red light kept shining bright and hot. (And I am sure there are many other red lights shining on the heads behind me, too.)

Finally, she gave up. Stepped out the lift door, she looked back to all of us with her pair of crystal clear eyes - in it we saw a complex mixture of anger and depression.

As soon as the lift door closed - my friend and I grinned, as we have wittnessed the classical 5 stages of grief in the Kubler Ross Model, all within 30 seconds: Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - (and perhaps yet to the final stage: Acceptance).

We drawed a reasonable conclusion, perhaps for some ladies, overweight is equivalent to death. Haha.

Tron - dazzling aura

I had two breathless weeks after coming back to PWH medicine, suddenly things got so tight that hardly could I stop and write, even after the new year arrived.

Despite the packed schedule, I ain't going to miss the time for friends and leisure, especially when your good old friend was back. Joining the high-schoolmate reunion reminds me of a bitter fact - every one else has entered their working field, while the poor medical student is still fighting for his final (err...maybe not) year of study.

But on a second thought it wasn't that bad at all - $75 for a midnight seat for movie - allow you to point and laugh at your friends who paid a whole $100 for the same seat same film, isn't it cool? =]

In the scarcity of choices (watching too much bed and sex scenes as in Love and other drugs or Norwegian Woods may not be a good idea at the start of a year), the Disney classic Tron took it.

Well, yes as all the ads go, the visual graphic effects are perfect, the blue and golden light shoots all over the screen, which are stunningly cool. But I have a serious problem with that 3D-glasses - a bad eye pain and headache while putting on it. I should say - the current 3D technology is still in infantile stage, but each and every filmmaker just can't wait to incorporate it into their products (despite the minimal additional benefit, if not harm), just to expand their boxoffice.

For those who has experience with the 3D glasses, you should realise that they tend to lessen the brightness at a whole. And, that is the problem. Tron is filmed with a tone of dark background to enhance and emphysize the shooting digital lines; at some seconds, I almost lost the focus to the motion, and what remains were zigzag dazzling visual aura + serious global headache (luckily not unilateral) - secondary atypical migraine.

How I wish I could enjoy the newyear film, but sadly, my headache lasts till the end.